In the last post, The Competitive Mom Quiz, five questions helped sort traits of competitive moms and if we fell into that category or not. You can take that here. Or not. 😉
Years ago, I would have been in the middle.
But once my son was home schooled for OCD and Tourette’s in second grade- all competition tanked. Okay, most of it. After all, he did learn about quarters and dimes before his friends. 😉
We had to focus on our family, what we each needed, and what we chose for our daily life because there could no longer be competition. I didn’t have time to run to the store for a sale, we didn’t have the same money for a big family vacation, we needed non-competitive sports. There was nothing anyone had that was “better” because what we were choosing was truly “us”. I didn’t have anyone to teach me how to stop competing with other moms- I just didn’t have the time or energy.
And there’s the core of competition. When you stand on your own, you don’t have to compete or compare.
How to stop competing with other moms:
1- Gratitude – Looking around at what we currently have and who our kids are and being grateful centers us in reality and dispels the need for more.
2- Identity – Who our families are and what we’re about is a guiding force. Without it, we borrow others’ identities and eventually, they don’t fit.
3- Vision- Where we want to be in 1, 3, 5 years is a strong guide instead of looking around at others for ideas.
4- Honesty – Sometimes facing the truth that because of resources, we cannot compete is a sobering antidote to continue competing.
5- Celebration– Authentically being happy for someone else’s choices, fortune, or hard work is a great way to take the focus of off any lack on our part.
6- Perspective – Very often there is a backstory. Maybe they saved money for months for something, or their kid trained for months to get to their level. We don’t know. So, reserve judgement.
7- Look around- Most likely there are others who would compete for all you have, and it wouldn’t feel very good. Understand that some have more/ better and others have less. It only matters when it changes our character – and then the stuff isn’t the marker. 😉
There is always room to want to compete, but the really great mom is the one who seeks not to. Why?
Because she’s the one modeling for her kids that who they are in the world is enough, and not who they can beat.
Boom! Yes we can!
Vikki Spencer, The Mom Whisperer
How To Stop Competing with Other Moms