Nearly the whole mom world has 2 opposing forces:
a) We would like the competition between moms to stop. b) We are not competitive – they are. 😉
So, I’m going to suggest a little game…. a little game of Where Am I? It goes like this… Where am I a teeny tiny bit competitive? Where am I an itty bitty bit jealous? Where am I a leeeeetle bit wishing I was on the greener side of the fence? If you need help, and you are a true woman of courage, try the quiz here on this link. The Where Am I game feels like “Oh CRAP!! NOOOOOOOOO!” but let me tell you a secret about it.
It restores our power.
Whenever we can look very bravely at a few things we might be doing, it puts an end to the powerless pointing of fingers at others. Even if we ARE right (and seriously, we usually are) we can’t change them.
So, we can point fingers at all the competition between moms, but we can’t change them. When we know how we’re competitive, we can work on it. Ain’t no shame in the game of facing things. Not an ounce. We now just have information on where to start.
Let’s do our part to change this. Here are 3 things even BETTER than competition between moms. When you feel like you want to respond to a sister-mom in a competitive way:
1) Congratulate them. Just give in. They did it. They achieved, won, baked and rocked it. Kudos to them.
2) Keep your focus on you. Respond with, “That is really awesome for you! Today I was working on other things and I’ll call you with a win when I have one.” This way, you have a door open to brag without competing (and this not only saves friendships, but carves them!)
3) Go objective. Just listen for a minute. Are they simply sharing or are they baiting you for competing? Are they genuinely sharing or are they bragging? Sometimes we act in a certain way because we feel triggered. Take a minute to really see if there are triggers going on that draw you out to compete.
When we choose to live from power instead of the powerlessness, we stand on our own – our own life, our own choices, and our own responses. We also teach our kids how to do that as well. There is absolutely a place for competition, but it’s not with our friends.
Vikki Spencer, Mom Coach, The Mom Whisperer